What I’ve learned so far about being a dad
It’s been a long, long time since I’ve posted, but I’ve been, shall we say, just a wee bit busy….
I became a proud daddy on December 1st, 2007, when my daughter Sarah Briana was born. She weighed in at 6 pounds, 9 ounces and was 20 inches long. (As of today - the latest doctor’s visit - she’s up to 9.5 pounds and 23 1/4 inches. They really do grow fast! We’re going to have to test her formula for HGH.)
Here’s a whimsical little summary of some of the things I’ve learned from my first two months of being a parent. (Yeah, it’s long, but I haven’t posted in three months so I’m entitled, right?)
- I witnessed unspeakable things of a biological nature in the birth room which I could not possibly have gone through myself (assuming I were female). My wife, however, is an amazing woman who handled all these things with incredible poise and courage, never once breaking down emotionally or using phrases like “You’re never touching me again” or “YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!!” I am a lucky, lucky man to be married to such a wonderful woman.
- Babies poop and pee. A lot. Sometimes while you’re already in the middle of a diaper change. Sometimes all over their own clothing, especially when it’s most inconvenient. Sometimes on the scale at the doctor’s office (my daughter is now 2 for 2 in this regard). And if you’re really lucky, sometimes they’ll do it on you. And it really isn’t a big deal - you learn to shake it off very quickly.
- Diaper changes are not nearly as difficult as I thought they’d be - unless your child happens to be kicking you in the sack while you attempt this. My little girl simply cannot keep her legs still during a change.
- My daughter is quite possibly the only person in the world who farts more than I do.
- Much of your conversations center around poop and pee, as the previous bullet points indicate. Why? Because, well, it’s the vast majority of what a newborn is capable of. They can also eat, sleep, and - best of all - scream *really* loud when you take the bottle away.
- Last bodily function-related point, I promise: Pampers are the best, because they’re snug and stretchy. Huggies are an acceptable substitute. Luvs suck. Despite claims to the contrary, the straps are about as flexible as a brick wall. Stay away at all costs.
- The proper procedure for a 4am feeding: Fix bottle, find something to watch on TV, then begin feeding. Do not attempt to channel surf while feeding the baby. You’re likely to turn yourself into a pretzel while holding the bottle in baby’s mouth with your chin.
- There is nothing on TV at 4am when it’s time for a feeding and changing. NOTHING. OK, Fresh Prince re-runs on Nick at Nite are passable - but do we really need 8 episodes in a row? Ya sure there’s nothing else in the vault there, guys?
- On a related note, daddy and baby now do a little dance to the Fresh Prince theme song. *sigh*
- As soon as you think you’ve got her sleep schedule figured out - it changes.
- Being on time for events can be a challenge, because invariably she’ll wake up hungry or need to be changed right before we’re ready to leave the house. At least now I have a good excuse for being late for things… my previous reason was simply that I suck at time management.
- It is truly amazing how ignorant many people without children are when it comes to opinions on child-rearing. I’m going to give a helpful hint: if you’ve never changed a diaper or experienced a 4am feeding, shut up. You cannot possibly know what the hell you are talking about. In fact, you’re probably doing more harm than good if people are actually foolish enough to listen. If I want advice I will ask our pediatrician, my in-laws, my mother, or someone else with, you know, actual experience. Would you take your car to get fixed by somebody whose knowledge starts and ends with his Hot Wheels collection? Exactly.
- I’m not immune to the above - I look back now on some of the opinions I held regarding child-rearing before becoming a father, and I am embarrassed at the level of ignorance I displayed. I can’t really claim to know what I’m doing yet, but I will always be learning.
- On a lighter note… devices that you can operate with one hand are unbelievably useful. I now consider my iPhone to be the best purchase I’ve made in years. I can easily check my email, catch up on RSS feeds, and set my fantasy hockey lineups while feeding the baby at the same time, and I never feel like I’m behind on anything.
- On a similar note, I have a new appreciation for video games that can be played one-handed. Carcassonne, Catan (which I just purchased largely because of this), and Uno are the games I’m playing most these days… unless the wife is gracious enough to take the baby for a bit while I play some Rock Band or Guitar Hero.
But the most important thing I’ve learned: all of the challenges, the little inconveniences, the drastic changes in lifestyle and schedule are so worth it, because my little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me and I love her with all my heart.
I don’t really know what I’m doing yet, nor may I ever truly know everything I should - despite the impressive bullet list above - but I’m going to try my hardest to be the best dad I can be, and I hope that someday my daughter will think I did good.
